Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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