You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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