we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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