I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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