Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
