You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
