I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
