Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
