You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
