Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
