She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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