i may or may not be watching the land before time
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
