I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
