I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
