Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
