I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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