my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
