CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
