Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
