I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
