just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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