Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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