They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
