Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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