btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
