oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
love makes seman taste better
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
