yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
