FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
