ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
