Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
