My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
