You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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