my phone needs a breathalizer
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
