Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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