there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
