mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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