I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
