I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
