That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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