I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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