Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
