every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize