I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
did you just send me my own nude
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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