How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
