I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
