they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My feet surprised me
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