She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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