Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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