I'm lost and stupid without you.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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