I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
