My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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