so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
