honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My liver just broke up with me...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
