when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
