don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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