i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
