Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
