somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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