dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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