So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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