ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
