I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
