And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
