Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
