if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
