If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
