Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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