So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
