i think i have two assholes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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