you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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