ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
