I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
