I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
