this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
