you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
